Thursday, June 12, 2014

Funny Writing - Icicle Glares

It's that time again, another round of the Funny Writing novice lines!  Remember to write concise sentences.  Otherwise, you may end up with sentences as funny or awkward as these.

She wore the same thing she had on this afternoon which changed into a long black dress.
My face was hot and my palms sweetened.
I've seen many bus drivers in my life time but I've never met one who was kind enough to greet me with my name.
I pulled away the chocolate brown strands of hair which stuck to my face.  (Haha, this makes me think the character's hair was made of chocolate.  I believe there should have been a hyphen between chocolate and brown.)
I glared at the hunter an icy stare which cause icicles to grow out from me.  (Why did I picture an icicle beard...?)
With those words touching my skin so tenderly, tears continued to fall.
The bed was soaked in blood and I couldn't imagine how anyone could sleep with that feeling under them.  (The character who was "sleeping" on the blood had actually bled profusely until he had fallen unconscious.)
The next moment, I woke up instantly and sat up.
Don't forget to answer the pole questions at the bottom of this post!  Cool, interesting, or funny?  For writing advice, click the Writing Tips tab at the top of the page.  It will take you to Wattpad, where you can find free writing tips from me.

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