Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Growling Monster

I had a cute little bedroom with tan walls and blue curtains.  Fresh bed sheets smelled great as long as a cat hadn't laid on my pillow.

My husband and I were tired, so we decided to go to bed.  I was talking, as usual, blabbering on and on about random things that made no sense.  I suspected Tommy was growing weary of my excitement because he really wanted to get some sleep.  But I continued talking anyway.
We began pulling back the bed sheets as though we hadn't a care in the world.  We were getting ready for a vay-cay in Dream Land, where gnomes ran around on fire, screaming as butterflies swooped down from above to pick 'em off.  I loved Dream Land, it was wonderfully insane -- and caffeine made it better!
Then Tommy made a funny face.  I didn't know why he did, but he didn't say anything, so I kept talking.  I thought he was just annoyed at me.  I loved being annoying.  I didn't realize something terrible was happening.
Then IT happened...A noise.  It was as though we were haunted suddenly by some hideous creature.  It was growling at us, but from where, I didn't know!  I fell silent, listening, trying to locate its source.  What could it have been...?
Was there a monster in the closet?

I grew very afraid.  It was under the bed, wasn't it?  It could bite my feet.
And then I smelled something fetid.  Something rotting.  I was smelling the beast's morose breath, wasn't I?  It was Death, stalking me.

I was going to die!

I looked at Tommy, trembling.  But he was brave.  He had heard it, too, but he wasn't afraid.  If anything...he looked more relaxed.
Wait a minute...
My brain began to solve this mystery.  Then I realized it.  The creature's growl had come from his butt.  HE HAD FARTED!!!
Tommy continued to look at me awkwardly, not quite sure what to do to hide what he had just done.  But it was too late.  I knew.  I knew what he had done.  I had to do something fast, something that was equally shocking.  I had to give him a taste of his own medicine.
But I couldn't fart.  I didn't need to.  So instead I did this:
It confused him.
And then he laughed really hard.  The end!


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