I haven't updated this in a while, but here is the April 2016's Funny Writing post! I've decided the best gems were in the romance section of a teen werewolf book, written by a teen...or a pre-teen. Not sure which. The writer will get better as he / she gets older, but the writing is exactly as raw (bad) as mine used to be a looooooong time ago. Ha! Haha! HAHAHAHA!!! I love people.
This time I added a few extra notes to clarify. So you understand the hysterical enthusiasm I had when I found the excerpts below. I even added more than the standard five items. Because it was that awesome.
I laughed silently at Winter's words as she took control of me and jumped on Ben, straddling him and kissing him roughly, and grabbing his shirt. Sexual scene, if you do not wish to read, I advise you to skip. I will put another note where it ends. (Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! What is in bold here was ACTUALLY part of this scene. It was really in there. Wait till you get to the end where there is another note included. It's the reason I decided romance was this month's Funny Writing post.)
Unable to suppress the moan at the back of our throats, me and Winter (they're the same person) let out a moan from the pleasure of the marking. (I keep picturing "marking" as "peeing." Why? TELL ME WHY?!)
Ben grunted each time he entered us, getting faster each time. (Again, "us" is one person who either has a wolf alter-ego...or multiple species personality disorder. Ha! Did I just say that out loud? There is much more than the Smeagle-Golum thing going on here, though. I can hear the grunting getting oh, so much faster. In my mind, the noise sounds like an excited monkey throwing poop or something strenuous / fun / gross. What does the grunting remind you of?)
To be honest we jumped each other's bones like rabid animals. No pun intended. (Um...hehehe...wha...?)
While we were in the middle of our love session we groaned and grunted. (Hehehehe)
After a while he gave in and kissed us back. (Maybe Ben is Precious, cuz "us" sure as in the hell is a Smeagle-Golum creature for me now. Like, some kind of porno werewolf girl version. Ha!)
Sexual scene over, it's safe. (As I said. AS I SAID.)
If it wasn't sacrilege, I would worship your bad writing.
*bows and claps and jumps up and down and gasps all at the same time* (See what I did there? Eh? Eh?)