Mmm. Who are you?
A strange, very strange lady who is haunted by cats, pens, and unfinished projects.
What is this blog for and why did you start it?
Well, I'm insane, scattered, and batty, so I figured I would try to begin entertaining people here.
Why is your layout a mess?
Have you ever tried doing anything with a straight jacket on??? Okay, me neither, but take the pointed question. Have fun wading through the mess of to-do confetti!
Do you write true stuff, or is it made up?
Here's a hint: Many years ago I escaped an institution for angry children. Now, legitimately (gaining sanity), or illegitimately (escape)? You shall never know. Muhahaha.
Why don't you have very many posts?
Procrastinator Virus. And you thought zombies were bad? Actually, I think I should diagnose it as something worse. I think I fear failure as much as I fear success. I am afraid of myself.
Can I copy your stuff? Can I repost it?
Please do not plagiarize without my written consent. (Haha! That was terrible.)
Then why do you post Funny Novice Lines? Isn't that copyright infringement?!
Despite the interrobang ending of that loaded question, there is no need to fear. I am operating under the guidelines of the Fair Use laws. Fair Use laws state that quotations may be taken from larger works if said quotations are short, not the heart of the book, and not copyrighted quotations. Yes, even if the whole work itself is copyrighted. Under the Fair Use laws, it is wise to cite the source, but depending upon usage, not necessary. Same with letting the author of the work know. My intention is not to be in competition with the authors, defame them (I admire them), or to gain money. My intention is solely between these three things: writing education (to inspire you to think as you compose your lines), public commentary / critiques (public sharing in the social domain), and laughter--I can't quite parody what is already funny-awesome. I hope that clears up any questions.
Will you reply if I email you or something?
Sure, email away.
Are you blue?
That's a double-edged question. Maybe. But I don't have twelve fingers!!! Look, I'm typing with ten of them! lsdlfkjas;odifjsxdklvnjosidfuoesijsdklfj
What do I do if you remove a post?
Rip your eyes out and scream. That's what I do before I remove them. Ah, the joys of humiliation. Now we have something in common! I want my stuff to be perfect for you. Sometimes I think what I post is great -- and then I look at it later and slap my own forehead with my palm because I was: 1.) an idiot, or 2.) AN IDIOT. I will leave a few embarrassing ones up for humor's sake so you guys can laugh at my horrid attempt at reigning back my blunt thought processes.
Buttons? What are these?
Mmm. Detonation button. Brilliant button. Still creatiing this intriguing little vice in my squishy grey matter.
What else do you write or post about?
Multiple things that have not been finished! My favorite one ran itself right into the street and got slammed by a bus, shot with an oozi, stabbed with a blunt object multiple times, and then finally eaten by a dinosaur. Its remains are currently on display on Wattpad. I also post funny lines I find that are written by novices whose works I read. No worries, their names are protected, as are the names of their works. I do not stand for cyber bullying. Sharing laughter is fine, but not calling others out to laugh in their face. (Thus, operating under Fair Use but without citing sources.) The reason I share funny lines I find is that I cherish anything that is ironic or broken but can make me laugh. I love mistakes. Even I have written them, so I am not judging these writers. Neither am I asking you to do so. I love writers who post these things for me to scroll through. It is like digging for gold in a poop bucket. Not so sure if I can push myself to do it...but there is that stinky promise of something rich. Whenever I find the lines, my heart swells, and I get that warm, fuzzy feeling in my belly. Like I ate a caterpillar. Or...a hundred caterpillars.
Can we be friends?
As long as you are not going to be a perverse stalker, sure. I read all of my messages, and I reply to each and every one. Or so I try.
What if you were made out of rubber?
Whaaaat...? I would totally jump off of every high building or cliff just to see how high I could bounce, duh!
Are you going to start showing ads?
Not unless I can make them hilarious. Then you will want to see them.
What if we meet in real life?
I'm shy and tend to draw blanks, so if I suddenly look like a retard when you greet me, this is normal. No need to panic or call the exterminator. Just extend a hand, remind me of your name, and I will reboot and be able to function again.
"I'm a real girl." <-- Robot voice.
What are you?
A cute and cuddly psycho hiding behind a normal face, which resides under a cap of bad hair. Most of the time, anyway. The rest of the time I'm a palm tree. Look, here's me after I took a psycho picture!!!
And here is me on a good day! Kind of rare, though:
Hahaha! I'm the crazy cat lady! Okay, no seriously, here's me on a good day:
Haha, yay! I don't look like a boy anymore! (That is another story for another time...I had short hair when I was growing up, and I hated it.)
Uh-oh. Crazy cat lady?
Maybe I should have said crazy cat family. WE LOVE KITTIES!!! All of ours are rescues or strays. The strays stay outside, except the one we call Ginger. She keeps getting inside and scaring the shit out of our inside cats because she wants their food and marches right in, like she owns the place. She cracks me up, she's so funny. I thought she would rip my arm off when I picked her up to take her back outside, but instead she just fell limp and gave me these sad kitty eyes, like Puss n Boots. Oh, my heart strings, she pulls them all!
Don't you think you piss people off with some of your posts?
Well, let's put it this way: I piss people off by being nice. So why the hell should I care? Nobody needs to be identified here but me and my lovable husband Tommy, so we're good. Others' names are changed, and stories are exaggerated for maximum effect. Is what I say true? Or is it? All I care about is whether or not you laugh. But sadly, I cannot see you through the internet to see if you are ever laughing. Whaa!!!
Why must you make such sucky drawings?
That's the beauty, My Dear. It makes me laugh. I am an awesome artist, and I know it. But when dabbling in the funny isle, if you try being serious, you get eaten by werewolf mermaids and other freakishly mutated beings for being an abomination.
Okay, here's proof I can really draw and paint, because by now, you are probably seriously questioning my artistic abilities:
To be continued ...